


Not so bad after all.

by flightytemptress27



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Birthday, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), New Years, Running Away, Teenage Drama, astronomy tower moments, not communication role models, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:42:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28884837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightytemptress27/pseuds/flightytemptress27
Summary: Remus Lupin did not find his birthday to be any exceptional cause for celebration. He had no hand in being born on that particular day, or any day for that matter. Plus, Remus Lupin preferred to avoid any unnecessary attention from others, which seemed to be the point of birthdays overall.Besides, he did not have a great track record with his birthday - as it turned out, being attacked by a vicious werewolf who delights in torturing others and becoming one yourself is not something one wanted to celebrate the anniversary of each year, but as he was attacked just days before his fifth birthday, the two tended to intersect in his memories.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 45





	Not so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shoulderpadfoot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shoulderpadfoot/gifts).



Remus Lupin did not find his birthday to be any exceptional cause for celebration. He had no hand in being born on that particular day, or any day for that matter. Plus, Remus Lupin preferred to avoid any unnecessary attention from others, which seemed to be the point of birthdays overall.

Besides, he did not have a great track record with his birthday - as it turned out, being attacked by a vicious werewolf who delights in torturing others and becoming one yourself is not something one wanted to celebrate the anniversary of each year, but as he was attacked just days before his fifth birthday, the two tended to intersect in his memories.

\---

He managed to avoid the topic for his first few years at Hogwarts; concealing his ‘condition’ and making excuses for his monthly disappearances were enough to create a general cloud of mystery around young Remus. It wasn’t until James’ birthday in fourth year that his friends even thought to ask - they were lazing around in their dorm, gorging on the cakes and treats Euphemia had sent (including cherry chocolate chip cupcakes specifically baked for Sirius delectable double chocolate cookies for Remus).

“Prongs, your mom really is the best. I don’t know how it is a prat like you gets such a great family and I have...well…” Sirius complained, inhaling another cupcake. “Maybe I should just come live with you! And I could get my favorite desserts and a new broom on my birthday too.” James rolled his eyes at him - “You _already_ have your favorite dessert, Padfoot, except you just ate the last of it. And you can go out and get a new broom any time you want.” Sirius’ face fell, so James continued quickly “but you know my parents love you and you’re welcome any time. I bet she’ll even send you sweets on your birthday when it comes around again.”

They continued chasing their sugar highs in silence for a moment, then James turned to Remus with a furrowed brow - “Wait a second! Moony!! When is your birthday?! Obviously we know mine, Pete’s is always over the summer or a break or something, and I think the whole school knows to recognize November 3 as Sirius Orion Black Day...but when is yours?! How come we’ve never celebrated?”

Remus took a huge bite of cookie and hoped the moment would move on, but the other boys’ eyes were trained on him. “Erm, well, I just don’t really do birthdays, you know?”

Sirius barked a laugh. “What do you mean you don’t _do_ birthdays? You were born, right? You didn’t just appear one day wearing an oversized jumper and ask Lyall and Hope for some lukewarm tea and biscuits?”

Remus, as if a conditioned response, blushed under Sirius’ teasing, then went on. “Of course I have a birthday, I just don’t like making a big deal out of it. And...well, I was turned a few days before my fifth birthday, so the anniversary of that always made my parents sad…” The room was silent; Remus stared at the floor in front of his bed, willing himself not to look at the other boys - he hated being pitied, and he didn't care to see it in their eyes. There was a quiet rustling, and then Remus felt the bed dip behind him and Sirius’ arms wrap around him and pull him close, Sirius resting his head on Remus’ shoulder. “Merlin, I forget you weren’t even five yet, mate,” he spoke softly, hugging his friend close.

“It’s not fair! It’s not fair that you were attacked, or that you were so young, and it’s certainly not fair that it ruins your birthday too! You, Remus John Lupin, are one of the best friends I have ever had and one of the greatest people I have ever known, and you absolutely deserve a day that is all about you.” Remus winced a little at the thought, but James continued “So...if we promise not to make a big deal out of it, will you at least _tell_ us your birthday, Moony?”

“Yeah, we can behave!” Sirius added, still hugging him and throwing a wink to James. Remus sighed a little but grinned - “Fine, at least there’s almost a year before it comes around again, which gives you lot plenty of time to forget. It was a couple of weeks ago, March 10.”

“HA! I’m officially the oldest of all of us, which means I’m the wisest, of course!” Sirius whooped, while James lamented “MOONY! That was just a little while ago...how could you not tell us?!”

“Oh, shut it both of you. Fine, now you know, but as you promised, no big deal. And Pads, my dear, I’m fairly certain we can all agree wisdom and age are not correlated in this circumstance,” Remus teased; he had shifted to look at Sirius as he spoke, but Sirius’ arm stayed pressed along his back, and Remus leaned into him, turning back to take another bite of his cookie.

The conversation shifted; Remus grateful to no longer be in the spotlight. He was also perfectly happy that Sirius hadn’t moved away. Sirius was always physically affectionate. He had probably kissed half of the girls in school at one time or another, on the hand or cheek in some showy form of flattery - and at least four in a more intimate way, as he frequently liked to brag to the rest of them. But Sirius didn’t allow gender to limit his affections, it wasn’t uncommon for him to throw himself across him and James when they were settled on the common room couch, or for them to wake up with Sirius in one of their beds after one of his rough nights. He just liked to touch and be touched.

Remus, on the other hand, was far more selective in the sharing of his affections, both physically and generally. Outside of the Marauders and Lily Evans, he had few people he called friends, and no one with whom he had shared, or really wanted to share, any sort of physical intimacy. But with Sirius, he didn’t mind. In fact, he had started to realize, he actually _enjoyed_ being close to him. Appreciated the way his scent would overwhelm him. Relished the way emotions seemed to roll off of him in waves.

That night, when they had finally come down from the excitement and far too many desserts and had all crawled into bed, Remus’ mind kept drifting back to that feeling, that sweet, solid feeling of being wrapped in Sirius’ arms. As he drifted off to sleep, his last thought was that it may have been the best belated birthday gift he could have received.

\---

Remus did not even notice the passing of his birthday the following year. He spent the day, like every day that week, in the hospital wing. He spent the day, like every day that week, in tears, whenever he had a moment free from the fussing of Madam Pomfrey or James or Lily or Peter or even Professor McGonagall. No Sirius, never Sirius. He spent the day, like every day that week, wondering how Sirius could have done this. How Sirius could have betrayed him the way he did. _Sirius_. His best friend. His...his Padfoot…

When he was finally allowed to go back to Gryffindor tower, there was still no Sirius. Remus wasn’t sure where he was, but it seemed James was hell bent on keeping him away as some measure of protection for Remus. On his first night back in the dorm, Remus noticed a lump under his pillow; he fished it out...a bag of now somewhat melted special dark chocolate frogs, his favorite. And a note. “I know it’s not much, but you said we weren’t allowed to make a big deal out of your birthday. Of course, when you actually read this it won’t even be your birthday anymore - that is, if James doesn’t find this and toss it before you get it. Dammit, Moony, I really fucked up. I know it’s not enough, but I’m so sorry. I know you know this already, but I wasn’t thinking. I really wasn’t. I hurt you, and I hate myself. I love you, Moony, and I’m so sorry.”

And Remus cried himself to sleep again.

\---

In the end, Remus was the first to forgive Sirius. It took weeks for him to convince James to let Sirius see him, to talk to him, to let him come back to their dorm (Remus later found out Sirius had found the Room of Requirement but thought it was just a manky old single room - he hadn’t even mustered up enough self-preservation to imagine a comfortable place to spend his ostracized time). Eventually James and Lily both came around - Remus wasn’t sure who influenced whom; the whole situation had apparently been just what was needed for Lily to finally see James as someone worthy of her affections rather than the cocky git she had known for years. It was Sirius who took the longest, Sirius who seemed to need to continue punishing himself, Sirius who couldn’t forgive himself. Meek smiles replaced barking laughter; an accidental touch that would have turned to an arm looped in his own became a gentle graze followed by a jerk away as if burned. Remus wasn’t sure which was worse - hating Sirius, or Sirius hating himself.

O.W.Ls blurred his memories of the time and suddenly Remus found himself at home again. It wasn’t that summers were entirely unpleasant, but he always felt a bit uncomfortable with his parents - they were perfectly nice, but they hardly knew him, knew who he had become, who he was becoming. And the fulls were so much worse chained in a shed rather than running the forest with his friends.

One morning in mid-August the Potter’s owl arrived over breakfast - “Moony, I wanted to tell you as soon as I could. Padfoot is here. He couldn’t take it anymore - he ran away. Oh Moons, they...they...he won’t tell me everything yet, but they did _horrible_ things to him. I’ve never seen him like this. He’s...he’s not Pads. It’s worse than after the incident. It’s awful. He told me not to owl you, but I had to. My folks are great - mum made him up a room and told him to stay as long as he wants. We will take care of him. But I just thought you should know.”

He didn’t really remember, but apparently in response Remus had thrown his breakfast dishes - first the juice glass shaking in his fist as he read, then the crumb covered plate that had held his toast, and finally the still-half-full cereal bowl, which left oatmeal congealing on the sunny yellow plaster of the cottage kitchen wall. “I have to go. I have to go to him. I have to go now.” He shook with emotion as his father tried to simultaneously comfort and restrain him, not calming until he finally sipped the tea his mother passed him, not realizing it was laced with pacification serum just like they used on the days before and after the full when he was younger.

Even with James’ daily updates, Remus begged to go to the Potters so he could be with the two of them. “Please, you don’t understand, he’s my best friend and he needs me. He’s asking for me. I have to be there,” he pleaded. Finally an agreement was reached - after he recovered from the August full, he could go. It was the first time Remus ever _anticipated_ a full, and, as if some deep part of him knew the direness of the moment, it was the least harmful transformation he had experienced on his own. Two days after, Hope cleared him and Lyall accompanied him via portkey to the countryside near the Potter’s home. Before he even had a chance to get inside the house, Sirius ran into Remus’ arms and collapsed in tears - they sank down in the soft grass, Remus stroking his best friend’s hair and holding him until after the sun had gone down.

\---

Returning to Hogwarts in September, the Marauders settled back into their easy routine of classes, quidditch, pranks (and resultant detentions), dealing with Remus’ ‘furry little problem’, and the like. Lily was now a more-than-occasional fixture in their group; with James’ attention occupied, Sirius clung to Remus. When the post delivered a letter from his parents, it was Remus who took it from Sirius’ trembling hands, read over it once, then threw it in the fire. When Sirius and Regulus got into a screaming match in the middle of the Great Hall after dinner one evening, it was Remus’ bed he and James drug Sirius back to so that Remus could comfort him through the night.

For once in his life, the extra attention did not bother Remus. He was glad to be there for his friend - after all, it was Sirius’ idea for the three of them to become animagi so they could join him during transformations, and he wasn’t sure there would ever be a way to repay that kindness. Friendship. That’s what he had with Sirius, just like he had with James and Peter and Lily. Friendship, he would repeat to himself. Friendship - as he lazed on the common room couch in front of the fire, Sirius leaning between his legs and Remus’ gently fingercombing his long hair. Friendship - as Sirius’ nuzzled into Remus’ neck as he slept, his hot breath sending shivers down Remus’ spine. Friendship - as Sirius looped his arm in Remus’ in order to not lose him in the crowds between classes and Remus could inhale the comforting scent of him. Everything they did, everything between them - these were all things that friends felt and did and said and were.

So when Marlene McKinnon asked Sirius to be her date for the final Hogsmeade trip of the term, why didn’t he feel happy for his friend?

\---

Sirius opted to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays, even though the Potters invited him to come home with James, so Remus and James decided to stay as well. A handful of other Gryffindors stayed, including Lily and Marlene, so Remus spent the majority of the holiday break feeling like the fifth wheel to his best friends, which left him in a sullen, sour mood that he tried, but mostly failed, to hide. Remus was grateful when New Year’s Eve arrived; the rest of the students would be back the following day, and he always liked the idea of a new year - a blank slate of sorts. An undercurrent of excitement buzzed through Gryffindor tower all day; it was their turn to host the New Year’s Eve party for all of the students who had stayed for the holidays. Remus slept later than usual (still recovering from the full) and went downstairs to see James and Lily attempting to charm a quaffle to imitate the muggle ‘ball drop’ tradition while Sirius and Marlene were arguing over the playlist for the evening. A wave of annoyance washed over him and he immediately retreated back up to the dormitory, grabbing a thick book from his trunk and drawing the curtains around his bed.

It was late afternoon before he was interrupted; “Moony, Moony, Moony! What _are_ you doing up here?! There’s no way you’re still asleep!” Sirius yelled out as he wrenched apart the curtains and stared at Remus and his book for a moment before throwing himself into the bed on top of him. “Oof, Sirius, what the hell?! I _was_ reading until you came barging in!” Remus shoved Sirius off of him, using more force than intended, and was surprised when Sirius landed on the floor between their beds. “Merlin, Moony, what was that about?? I was just coming to check on you - we haven’t seen you all day! Don’t you want to help get ready for the party?” Sirius asked, quieter now and still on the floor. “Erm...sorry,” Remus reached out a hand to help Sirius up but did not move to make room for him on the bed, so he sat gingerly on the edge of his own bed instead before asking again “why are you up here all alone?” Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, trying to reign in his emotions - “Why do you care, Sirius? You and James seemed to be having a perfectly nice time with your _girlfriends_ , just as you have this whole break, so what does it matter if I’m there or not?” He turned away from Sirius then, ashamed of the accusatory tone he’d taken. “Seriously, Moony?! First of all, Marlene is _not_ my girlfriend! She’s just...I don’t know, she’s cool, and we snog sometimes, but that’s it. Second, _you_ are the one who shut yourself away, not the other way around, so don’t turn this around on me.” Remus’ mind stuck on his first statement - Marlene wasn’t his girlfriend? But they were snogging? What? What did that even mean? And why did the thought simultaneously soothe him and make him feel more than a little jealous?

“Remus, are you even listening to me?” Sirius questioned; he had stood up at some point and was now staring at Remus from the foot of his bed. “Oh, um, sorry, what were you saying?” “I asked if you were at least coming to the party tonight or if you were going to sulk on your own instead? And why do you even care about me and Marlene? You didn’t sulk around like this when Lily started hanging around James more. Is it because she’s a _prefect_ like you? Is Marlene not good enough for the great Remus Lupin? Because that’s rich. Really.” Sirius snarled a little, then turned and strode out the dormitory door. Remus sank down into his bed, trying to figure out what had just happened.

As it turned out, Sirius and Marlene had not exactly been on the same page regarding their relationship. He had gone back to the common room to dissect the argument with James, not realizing the close attention Lily and Marlene were paying to the conversation - Marlene had _not_ reacted well upon Sirius’ clear statement that she was not his girlfriend. “What do you mean I’m not your girlfriend? We’ve been going out for weeks!” “Well, um, well, we didn’t actually talk about…” Marlene cut him off when he tried to explain - “you really think I just go around snogging blokes when they aren’t my boyfriend? What kind of girl do you think I am?” Shortly after, Marlene had grabbed Lily and stormed out, leaving a flustered Sirius and incredulous James in their wake - Remus had caught the highlights from the stairs where he had frozen upon overhearing his name in conversation. He felt a strange satisfaction cut through his argument-with-Sirius-induced anxiety.

The party itself was as uninteresting as parties tended to be, in Remus’ opinion; Sirius was in full-on brooding (and drinking) mode, while James went into social overdrive trying to assuage all of the awkwardness brought on by the afternoon. Overwhelmed by the crowded heat of mostly drunken celebrants, Remus slipped out of the common room once the celebration was safely underway and he knew he wouldn’t be missed - he needed some air. He didn’t have the energy to fight the crowd to get up to the dorm to grab the cloak, so he cast a quick disillusionment charm and hoped for the best as he stepped through the portrait hole. Without really thinking, he made his way up to the astronomy tower, as he so often did when the walls of Gryffindor tower seemed to close in on him, grateful for the quiet chill of the night air surrounding him.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the door at the base of the tower creak open a bit later, but then he heard a familiar bark of laughter and hurried to shush Sirius who was climbing the stairs to join him. Sirius’ face was flushed with drink, his eyes shining and gaze wavering a little when he reached Remus and sat on the dais next to him. “What are you doing here, Pads? Why’d you leave the party?” Remus questioned, trying to decipher the emotions pulsing through him at Sirius’ arrival. “Moony, Moony, Moony - what do you think would happen if you stayed through a whole party? Do you ever wonder what happens after you leave? You were gone by 11, Moony! It’s New Years! Maybe your resolution should be to stay for a whole party, just so you can see what happens…” Sirius trailed off as Remus rolled his eyes. “Shut it, Padfoot. I just needed to get some air - how did you know I was here? Why did you leave?” Sirius was silent, instead focusing on pushing Remus back against the low stone barrier and into a seated position, then sitting practically in his lap and arranging Remus’ limbs around him just as he wanted them, until he finally hummed a little note of approval. “You always come up here,” he answered simply, as if it were obvious. “And, well, turns out asking Marlene if she wanted to kiss at midnight was not the best idea after our argument earlier...she may have slapped me in front of the whole party...” Remus laughed aloud - “Really, Moony? Laughing at my pain?” Sirius pouted, then broke out laughing too until, from somewhere in the distance, the sound of the huge clock in the Great Hall chiming the hour interrupted them. They went silent; Sirius leaning into Remus as they stared out into the darkness counting the chimes.

“Happy New Year, Moony.”

“Happy New Year, Pads.”

\---

The term began without incident, and before Remus really realized, the March sun arrived to melt away all that had been covered by the snow and reveal the fresh, green newness. Usually his favorite time of year, Remus found himself on edge, set off by every little annoyance or frustration - much to the chagrin of the Gryffindor troublemakers who found themselves under his watchful and ready-to-dole-out-detentions amber eyes. He wasn’t sure what it was that was bothering him so much; classes were challenging but no more so than usual, the moons had been manageable, and the Marauders were back to normal. Well, mostly back to normal. It was no big deal, really. So what if Sirius had taken to sitting in the armchair by the fire instead of squeezing between Remus and James on the couch? So what if he hadn’t taken Remus by the arm in the crowded corridors or distracted him in class with corny jokes or slipped into his bed when he couldn’t sleep? They were all just things that friends did sometimes, so what if he wasn’t doing them now?

Thursday nights were quidditch practice for James and Sirius, and Prefect meetings for Remus and Lily; afterwards the four usually found themselves sharing a table in the common room, Lily and Remus studying or doing homework while James and Sirius did their very best to distract them. But something was off that night - James and Sirius arrived in the common room after Lily and Remus were already spread out at their usual table. James came over to wrap a still-sweaty arm around Lily, earning a squeal and scolding, but Sirius barely looked over at them as he muttered something about showering and took off up the dorm stairs. “You go too, you need it,” Lily ordered James before returning to the runes text she was translating. Remus just stared after them, feeling an odd heat rise within him. He knew he had made his friends promise not to make a big deal out of his birthday back when they finally wrung the information out of him, but it was _tomorrow_ and there had not been a single word about it. And now Sirius was practically ignoring him? Fantastic.

Lily eyed Remus and opened her mouth to question, but before she could speak, Remus slammed his books shut and started shoving them into his bookbag. “What are you --?” “Sorry, Lils, I’m just really tired and I’m not getting any work done. I’m just going to go up to bed. I’ll see you later.” Before she could object, Remus was taking off up the stairs to shared dorm room. He was grateful to find it empty - James and Sirius were still showering, and Peter was...well, they didn’t really know where Peter wandered off to most of the time. Remus tossed his bag on his bed then rummaged through his trunk until he found his favorite pajamas - a ratty old Kinks t-shirt he had stolen from Sirius at some point (“I got that before anyone even knew who they were!”) and a pair of faded red and gold plaid sleep pants that had been a gift from his parents the first Christmas after he’d been sorted into Gryffindor. They were far too short on his now tall and lanky frame, but they had a lived-in familiarity that always comforted him. He changed quickly, not even bothering to toss his robes in the corner hamper, then crawled into bed and pulled the curtains tight around him.

Shortly after he settled, he heard the door open and the warm, humid air from the showers filled the space as James and Sirius made their way back into the room. Remus stayed silent behind the curtains. “Mate, you sure you’re okay? You still kind of look like you’re going to puke” came James’ teasing voice. “Shut up! I don’t want to talk about it anymore!” Sirius’ voice had a strange edge to it, sharp with an undercurrent of something Remus couldn’t place. What were they talking about? James spoke again, softer this time “Look, the plan is perfect, and I really think it will turn out ---” Sirius interrupted with a high pitched sort-of squeak and they both went silent before James started again “Moony? Didn’t realize you had come up already…?” Remus didn’t move to open the curtains - “don’t feel like you have to stop scheming on my account,” he spat out. “Besides, I’m going to bed. Good night.” “Oh, um, okay - good night, Moony,” James responded, but all Remus heard was Sirius’ silence.

He waited until he was sure the others had left before he allowed himself to move. He wasn’t actually tired, but he noxxed the lights and curled up beneath the thick covers anyway. Not only had his friends forgotten his birthday, they were planning something without him, and Sirius was ignoring him? What had he done? Remus squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to will away the hot tears he felt prickling behind his eyelids. He knew he had been a little on edge lately, and he sometimes tried to talk them out of schemes when they strayed a little too far outside of the rules, but they had always at least included him. Not anymore, he thought to himself. And really, he was the one who told them not to make a big deal out of his birthday - what right did he have to be upset they were doing exactly as he had asked? Whatever was wrong, he had done to himself, he admonished himself as he drifted into a restless sleep.

\---

Remus was jolted from his slumber when a heavy, cursing Sirius crashed through his bed curtain and directly on top of him. “Bloody hell!” he shouted before Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth to silence him. “Shh! Sorry, sorry, sorry - got my feet tangled in your bloody robe! Shit, sorry!” Sirius muttered, trying to right himself. “What the hell are you doing, Sirius?! I was asleep!” Remus hissed as Sirius managed to push himself back up off of the bed. “I know! Well, I mean, I didn’t mean to wake you quite like that! But come on, Moons, get up.” “What? Why? Sirius…” Remus trailed off, searching Sirius’ eyes for some hint of what was going on. Sirius threw him a wolfish grin in response and found Remus’ hand, trying to pull him to his feet. “Fine, fine, give me a second.” Remus pushed Sirius away lightly so he could extricate himself from the bed, sliding into his slippers and allowing Sirius to drag him to the doorway to the stairs.

The common room was mostly empty, a few second-years tiredly huddled over some treacherous assignment, and some fourth-year girls sitting by the fire reading (or perhaps sleeping). Sirius didn’t stop, just kept dragging Remus toward the portrait hole. They had to look ridiculous, Sirius in some sleek-but-soft perfectly matched black loungewear, still-wet hair from the shower pulled back in a messy bun, and Remus in his faded mismatched pajamas and bewildered, sleep-crusted eyes, but Sirius did not seem to care. When they reached the portrait hole, Remus stopped completely - “Sirius, what in Merlin’s name are you...we...doing? What time is it? Where are we going?” Sirius met his gaze finally, a wild look in his eye. “Remus, if I explain everything, then it won’t be a surprise, will it? Now, if you will put this on…” he held out James’ invisibility cloak before consulting the parchment still in his hand - Remus recognized the map as he pulled the cloak on - “Perfect, okay, let’s go, we don’t want to be late,” Sirius stated casually as he motioned for Remus to go through the portrait hole, then joined him and slipped under the cloak as well. Remus shuddered; it had been ages since they had been this close. Sirius grabbed his hand and started pulling him along the corridor.

They moved silently through the halls. Remus realized their destination shortly before they reached the door at the base of the astronomy tower, which Sirius quietly unlocked before stepping aside to allow Remus to enter. Sirius slipped the cloak over his arm and grinned. “What are we doing here, Sirius? It’s...what time is it? We can’t be here in the middle of the night!” “Oh, hush, Moons - live a little, won’t you? You’re only 16, not 60!” Remus winced a little at the mention of his age...he still didn’t know what time it was, but if he was still 16, he wouldn’t be for long - not that anyone cared. “Well, what are you waiting for? Up the stairs!” Sirius ordered, gesturing for Remus to go ahead of him.

He climbed the stairs carefully, the only light from the stars and sliver of moon above and Sirius’ wand below. As he stepped out onto the dais, a shiver ran through him - while the days were warming, the nights were still chilly and Remus wasn’t exactly dressed for an outing. Before he could complain, Sirius stepped from behind him and waved his wand. Around them, candles flickered to life, illuminating what seemed to be a pile of blankets and a basket of some sort. “Come on then, don’t want you to freeze,” Sirius grinned a little as he pulled Remus toward the pile and flopped down. Remus eased down next to him -- “ahh, excellent warming charms” he groaned a little, wrapping a warm layer around his shoulders. They sat in silence, staring out into the darkness, before Remus spoke again. “Padfoot, what is this? What are we doing up here?”

The question seemed to ignite something in Sirius and he started fumbling around until he found the basket, then reached in and felt around until he found what he was looking for - “hot chocolate?” he asked, lifting a thermos and two mugs. “Umm..sure? But you still didn’t answer my question…” Sirius filled the mugs with the thick steaming liquid and handed one to Remus before diving back into the basket, this time pulling out a small box and setting it aside. Finally closed the basket, took a deep breath, and turned back to Remus. “Cheers, Moony,” he said, extending his mug to tap against the one in Remus’ hands. “Mmm…” Remus sipped happily - hot chocolate was his favorite, and as confused as he was, he had to admit it was a lovely moment out here under the stars. “So..” “Erm…” they both spoke up at the same time and laughed a little before Remus spoke again “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on, Pads?”

“You really haven’t figured it out, Remus? I mean, we know you’re a bit thick to the obvious but…” Remus scowled, but Sirius’ grin melted it away. “Look, I know you said you didn’t want to make a big deal of it, but _you_ are a big deal to me and I just wanted to…” Remus thought he saw a blush bloom over Sirius’ cheeks as he spoke, then he stopped suddenly when they heard a clock chime in the distance.

1...2…

Sirius set his mug down, then gently took Remus’ from his hands and set it to the side.

5...6…

Sirius scooted closer, turning and shifting so he was right next to Remus, so close.

9...10…

Sirius cupped Remus’ cheek gently with his hand, pulling him in so their foreheads almost touched.

12.

“Happy birthday, Moony.”

Sirius took a shuddering breath then closed the space between their lips.

\---

Remus’ mind was racing, racing, racing, and then...still. Calm. Focused. Fixated on the soft, full lips pressed against his. _Sirius’ lips_. Sirius was kissing him. _Kissing_. _Him_.

Before Remus could even respond, Sirius pulled back and turned, fumbling around - “oh, wait, no...erm...where did I?...oh, okay,” he was muttering to himself, searching, until he found the box he had removed from the basket earlier. Remus couldn’t see what he was doing, but he could feel his heartbeat pounding against his ribs, swore he could hear the sound in the silent night. Sirius cast a quick spell then turned back to Remus; he was holding a beautifully decorated chocolate cupcake on a small plate, a single lit candle adorning the top. They were both silent for a few seconds, watching the tiny flicker, before Sirius spoke - “Well, you know, blow it out, Moons.” Remus leaned forward - “wait! You have to make a wish first!” Sirius tried to stop him... but he’d already blown it out. He lifted his head with a grin and leaned in to press his lips against Sirius’, warm and soft and sweet - “I’m not worried. My wish has already come true.”

\---

The hour passed in a blur of kisses and chocolate, Sirius shifting so he could hold Remus tight against him, pressing small kisses wherever he could reach, licking a remnant of chocolate frosting from the corner of Remus’ mouth, alternating between wrapping their fingers together and dragging his fingertips along his arm or back or side. They spoke a little, mostly “I can’t believe”, and “wanted for so long”, and “really kissing you”.

The chime of the clock interrupted a long, slow snog - one of Remus’ hands wrapped in Sirius’ hair, the other clutching the front of his shirt, Sirius’ arms wrapped around him, pressing them together as close as possible. The sound wrought a long groan from Sirius as he pulled back, prompting a soft whine from Remus - “Now, now, my Moony - it’s quite late. Wouldn’t want to get caught out of bed, now would we?” Sirius teased with a wink. “Besides, I promised Prongs…” They extricated themselves from each other and the blankets, and Sirius waved his wand to extinguish the candles and pack everything back into the basket. “Wait, you promised Prongs what?” Sirius just laughed and gestured toward the stairs, following Remus down.

Before opening the door at the tower base, Sirius pulled out the map to make sure the coast was clear, then replaced it in the basket, slipping one hand into Remus’ to guide them through the door. They made their way down the corridor a bit when Remus was surprised by an unfamiliar shape in the shadows; Sirius drew them closer until Remus could hear the shallow breaths coming from the shape - “Prongs! Prongs! Wake up! Some watch you are…” Sirius hissed. The stag slowly lifted and shook its head and then disappeared, leaving a tired-looking, pajama-clad James staring at them. “Prongs, you’re not much of a watch if you’re asleep!” Sirius complained, but James just cast an amused smile, looking down at their clasped hands and up to the silly grins on both of their faces.

“Good start to your birthday, then, Moony?” he questioned. “Oh, the best,” Remus replied, blushing slightly and squeezing Sirius’ hand in his. James turned his gaze to Sirius - “So the great Sirius Black has a boyfriend, then?” Sirius’ mouth dropped a little as he turned sheepishly to Remus. “Dammit Padfoot, didn’t learn your lesson last time?” James reprimanded. This time Sirius blushed, but before he could respond, Remus spoke up - “Yes. Boyfriend,” and leaned in to kiss Sirius sweetly on the cheek. “Congratulations, mates! Now come on, let’s get up to the tower before we get caught. We’ve got to get some rest...big day planned, Moony’s birthday and all…”

“I’m sorry, did you say big day…?” Remus interrupted, concerned, but Sirius cut him off - “Don’t worry, Moony, just a few ways to celebrate my favorite boyfriend.” “Favorite boyfriend? I better be your only boyfriend…” “Shush! Out of bed in the middle of the night, eh? Maybe keep it down?” James whispered anxiously and marched them off toward the tower.

They made it back to the dorm without incident, not even waking Peter as they settled in (then again, waking Peter tended to be practically impossible). Remus and Sirius paused for a moment, standing between their beds, before Remus tugged Sirius over to his bed, throwing back the curtains so they could crawl in together. “Hey now, no funny business with me in the room! I hope you two are good at privacy charms...and I’m serious, get some sleep!” James called from his bed. “No, no, I’m Sirius!” “Hush, you,” Remus gave him a quick kiss, delighting in the familiar ease that already accompanied the action, then spoke “Prongs, wait, I have two questions! First, what are these birthday plans?” Sirius spoke first - “don’t you say anything!” “Sorry, Moony - Sirius made all the plans, I’m just following his lead and keeping quiet - what was your second question?” “ _Sirius_ made the plans? Oh, now I’m really nervous.” Remus chuckled a little then continued “what exactly were you going to do if Filch had caught a huge stag in the corridor?” All three of them broke into laughter at the image.

“Good night then, Prongs.” “Happy Birthday, Moony. Night, Pads. See you for breakfast.”

With Sirius’ head resting on his chest, Remus let his heavy eyelids drift closed with a final thought passing through his mind - maybe his birthday wasn’t so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy happy belated birthday to the sweetest shoulderpadfoot! January birthdays are the best [okay, I'm a little biased]. 
> 
> This was a cute ~1000 word scenario that turned into...^this^ because it's been a feelings heavy time lately.
> 
> Writing music: David Bowie (also inspired by spf), "It's Alt Good" playlist on Spotify, and sometimes an old spring break playlist from college because nostalgia?


End file.
